hospice stokes

“When my mother was in the hospice home after her stroke, one of the things that truly brightened her day was a visit from the dogs that come with their owners to volunteer, visiting the patients,” said Jeanne Milholland.

If your parent recently received a diagnosis of cancer, you both may be feeling stunned, anxious, and overwhelmed. Here are tips to help. Lay a foundation for the journey to come.

If you are supporting a seriously ill family member, your relative's condition and needs could change at any time. Such uncertainty creates practical problems. (You may suddenly need to leave work to take him or her to the doctor.) It also comes with an emotional cost. Doubts and the unpredictable can be hard to bear. You may put off decisions because you are not sure exactly how things will turn out. You may even find yourself wishing for something to happen right now, just to end the uncertainty.

Once an advance directive for healthcare is complete, most of us want to set it aside as "DONE." But circumstances, priorities, and preferences all change with time. Consider a review and an update with any of these life events:

The period of mourning is a time when our thinking processes are interrupted. People who are grieving often find themselves unable to concentrate for long periods of time. They may go into a room and forget why they went there, or they feel generally disoriented and confused. These behaviors are a normal part of the process and not something that is likely to continue at the same intensity for months on end. Still, it is unsettling while it is happening.

It’s a fact that scam artists prey on older adults. Scammers steal and use identifying information to obtain cash, make purchases, and/or open new accounts for services. Your family member may be completely unaware that his or her identity has been stolen. Watch for signs of identity theft:

The person who is ill may have very clear thoughts about what he or she wants in terms of care at the end of life, but family members may not agree. This situation can make things very difficult for the professionals involved. They are legally and ethically bound to follow the patient's wishes. If all the paperwork is complete and available, then there is no question about what will be done.

Aging brings with it many losses. Some seniors feel enraged by these changes, and others are terrified by the lack of control. Sadly, when people feel backed into a corner, they often "let fly" with the safest person: the caregiving family member. If spending time with your relative leaves you feeling worthless, picked on, or controlled, that’s cause for concern. And action. In the extreme, your relative’s angry or controlling behavior may constitute emotional abuse:

If you are helping a relative downsize for a move, it is often helpful to sort belongings into four categories: items to keep items to throw away items to sell items to give to charity Items to keep and to throw away have obvious action steps. If you have a lot to dispose of, ask the local waste hauler to drop a debris box at the curb. Be sure to shred anything that includes personal identification information.

Has your loved one ever flatly rejected your perfectly sensible solution to their problem? Though your idea may seem like the obvious route to take, it’s not so simple when you’re caring for an older adult. Your loved one has had a lifetime of making his or her own choices. If a decision must be made, start with one simple principle: Take your eye off the goal. Focus on the process instead. We all want to be treated like people rather than like a project in need of completion.